The Pressure. (audio included)
Today, I'm going to be very sincere on this post and speak from my heart.
I was in the UK for 6 years before I came back home to Nigeria and I have had a lot of novel experiences in the past 6 weeks of being here. It's almost culture shock and it's a bit sad that it is the culture that I grew up in that has brought this much wonder to me.
As a girl, I want to count myself as being lucky for having my higher education in a country where the equal opportunities of the sexes are fought for.
Women are made aware of a lot more opportunities in life and career progression.
Marriage is something that seems to just happen by chance.
Unlike Nigeria, you never find seminars or events where you are being taught how to "trap" your husband and your life as a woman isn't shaped around how you can become the docile female servant of your future husband.
I'm sure as you read this, you can almost feel the venom within my words.
I only feel this moved by this topic because I have always been a proponent of solitude.
I do not believe that every person in this world is meant to get married.
The world simply does not work that way.
People's personalities are different and regardless of what marriage-worthy skills one has taught themselves, some might just not be able to hack it and end up in a state of regret.
I will always say that there is nothing wrong
with building a life that is comfortable for you and
I will also say that there is nothing wrong with striving towards getting married.
Some people are born to nurture, some people require a constant shoulder to lean on.
Some people require coming back home to the warmth of a loving human being.
I believe however, that the desperation to get this perfect picture is what leads people to rush into something they were not entirely prepared for and ultimately settle for less than what they deserve.
They become the drivers of their own downfall.
"I’ve spent so much time with myself.
Trying to learn.
Trying to love.
From “within” as they say."
"As the years have gone by, my age mates have started to couple up, some on the verge of getting married.
Everyone has started to talk about their relationships or frustration at their lack, thereof.
All of a sudden, I sort of feel...out of place.
As though I am being left out of a crucial experience.
That I might be doing something wrong.
I've been told that my argumentative nature pushes people away.
My need to understand and question things, too much to deal with.
My anxiety, making it difficult for people to understand me.
That even my multifaceted nature, that to me is nothing but a strength seems to be, to the people that don't care too much, a metaphorical 'red flag'.
I try not to let other people's judgements be a fuel to my fears but I can't help but think.
Maybe my friendliness has started to waver?
Maybe there’s a forcefield around me that screams “Danger!”
Why don’t I have my own fairytale story to tell?
I guess the dynamics of my own life have started to unfold before my eyes...
As strong, bold women on our path to achieving great things (hopefully)...we tend to come across a lot of men that are intimidated by our potential.
For some, they become so oppressed that they start to look for ways to stop us in our tracks.
To make us feel less of ourselves.
To emasculate us.
For some, they become so in awe of
our potential that they can’t help but worship you.
Your God-like essence, your ability to create something out of nothing.
Others, the select few, understand you.
That you are more than what the bare eyes can see.
That sometimes you crumble and need a helping hand.
That sometimes you need someone to listen to your dreams before they become reality.
The problem is that, as human beings, it is difficult to believe that a driven, motivated and strong person even has the ability to be vulnerable.
And it’s that fear...
Fear of being thoroughly misunderstood.
Caged in this endless heart aching loop.
It’s the worry that makes many women, and many men try to come to terms with the fact that being single forever might not be that bad an idea.
But as the sun passes and the winter comes.
As the dry season transitions to the stormy weather.
As we start to see couples form in every corner.
We start to feel lonely.
Lonely to the point that we consider settling for the worst possible option.
Lonely to the point that we lose our patience and fall into the black hole of social pressure.
Have you sat down to ask yourself why?
Why we choose to let society put us in such a rush when it has been proven, time without number, that slow and steady wins the race?
At the end of the day, when we lock ourselves up in this metaphorical cage, how will we cope with all of the regret?
We should take our time to learn what we want for ourselves.
To learn who we are as individuals.
What sort of person do we need, that will be an addition to our lives?
That will let us see things in ways we never did?
Even with missing puzzle pieces, we know what the edges look like.
We need to know what we seek, so that we can find it and be at peace."