Recluse.

There are so many ways which we learn from experiences in this world.

The safest way they say would be to learn from the experiences of others.

The illusion that they have gone through these horrible things so that you don’t have to.

Some people are able to do this with ease.

They are able to listen to your pain-laced words and attempt to connect, walk through recapped conversations and stories as though it had happened to them.

However, to the many of us who are on the opposite side of the table...

Knowing what is right and what is the wrong thing to do but still finding ourselves going through the full spectrum of experiential events, the feelings, the anger…the hurt, wanting the ground to open up and take us away.

The embarrassment of having to open up about what you’ve gone through.

Surviving through the excruciating fear of being judged, being asked “Why you didn’t learn from what happened to Jane?!”

The pain.

But through the pain, do we ever stop to realise how strong we are to exist with such a weight on our shoulders?

Pain is the biggest teacher of them all.

It tries to tell you something.

It requires you to let the feeling sink into you and be engulfed in it.

Not to project your anger unto others, not to numb it, not to avoid it, not to run away from it.

They say we wouldn’t know what happiness was if we hadn’t lived through real sadness.

Having your eyes open through your pain will lead to to discover healthy ways to take your pain away.

That indeed, is the beginning of healing.

Sometimes we wish to live in a world where happiness is not a feeling that we long for, that teases us and comes in temporary unpredictable packages.

A world where certainty is certain and solutions aren’t so difficult to find.

Unfortunately, there is no such utopia.

The world that we live in, the reality of our beautiful chaotic experiences and wonderfully misunderstood lives for now, will have to be good enough.

The least we could do is love, gently curb the dreams of nirvana

and work on building a life that brings us at the very least, comfort.